Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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