if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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