Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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