Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
this boner is exhausting
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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