it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
