Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
