so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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