Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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