shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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