I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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