I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
