My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
BRING THE BAGELS
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
