I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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