So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
