Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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