shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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