I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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