I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
