why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I love you.
Bad choice
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