Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
