He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
