oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Randomize
