So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
