My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
