let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
