You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
this hospital has no fireball
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
