you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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