im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
