cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
