omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
