Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
