Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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