So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
