i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
