I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
