physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
