dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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