I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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