Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
