Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
