just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Well I just put wine in my tea
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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