hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
