I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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