For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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