You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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