and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
