We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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