Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
