i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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