just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
